I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
