PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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