I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
