i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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