dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
