you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
