I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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