My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
