Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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