I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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