Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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