Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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