I got chris browned last night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
