I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
