I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
