I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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