it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
