i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
