It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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