Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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