You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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