I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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