He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
