i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
