I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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