so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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