3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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