tequila makes me forget i have legs
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!