Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
