I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
