You can't special order awesome
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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