The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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