he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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