my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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