I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
