Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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