now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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