i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
