So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
do nipples grow back?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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