you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
