i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
