i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
