I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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