i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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