I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
