Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
