i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
