At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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