If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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