my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
