I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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