i love accidental penises.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She bit a glass in half.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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