yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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