can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
