finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
