i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
