Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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